Humor

Stu-stu-stumbled upon

I stumbled-upon a blog that stumbled-upon freethoughtpedia’s funny theist quotes.

Some of these were too good not to share:

From years of studying environmentalists I have come to the conclusion that they are both religion based and mentally ill. This makes for a dangerous combination. [...]

The mental illness of environmentalism manifests itself is three forms; Paranoid, Delusional and Criminal insanities. [...]

Since religious environmentalism is a mental disease it must be treated like one. Those afflicted by the malady must be gathered into central locations and be treated by counseling, drug therapy, shock treatments or whatever is necessary to restore their sanity and return them to being productive members of society. The state presently administers such treatments to other mentally ill citizen, even against their will, and therefore there is hope for environmentalists.

Legal methods – Once the sick mind of an environmentalist forces him to cross the line to the realm outside the law they are to be dealt with as any other criminal is. These criminal environmentalists are, in fact, terrorists. They seek to achieve their goals by terrorizing the general population by criminal actions. Like any criminal they have no regard for the rights or lives of their victims. Judges, no matter how liberal, owe it to the general public to protect them from criminal environmentalists by sentencing them as they would any rapist or murderer. They can show no leniency or preference in dealing with them. If their minds can be salvaged through mental treatments they can return to society. If not, then the general public is safer with them incarcerated. The population of a nation is not to be held hostage by the mind of a crazy person.

Mentally ill environmentalists working in the news media are to be treated as any other environmentalist. Counseling, drugs, incarceration, whichever turns them back into normal people.

Environmentalists can be saved from themselves. If we have the courage to act!

I’m not talking about a simple power outage. I’m talking about enriched plutonium which comes from the conversion of uranium into WMD. It is considered the most dangerous substance known to man and absolutely will shut off the electricity present in planes. All any terrorist has to do is drop large quantities of plutonium from airplanes onto American soil and it will render electricity completely useless. And the chain reaction that will occur from the US shutting down will be global. We Americans have had the capacity to do that to our enemies for years. I had erroneoulsy thought that atheists knew that since they claim to know so much about our universe.

[Emphasis added]

But as usual, you haven’t thought things through at all and are speaking from ignorance again.

Carico, CARM [2006-Nov-09]

A few months ago I felt led to put together a “post rapture file” for my unsaved loved ones which is on my computer. My daughter knows that if she doesn’t come to Christ before we go that she is to get this file and share it with everyone. I’m working on a list of names and contact info to put in the file. Anyway, today I just felt very strongly that not only should I remind her of it, but to witness to her for the 1000th time and give her complete instructions on what to do as soon as we are gone. I even went so far as to tell her as soon as we are gone that she is to go to a house that belongs to a friend since he will be gone too. It is WAY off the grid. I’m going to talk to him about it tomorrow and get directions. He loves Tiffany like his own granddaughter so I know it will be fine since all of his loved ones are going too.

I gave her the pin # to my atm and credit cards. I told her to make sure that she plants as big a garden as she can and learn to can food. Not to worry about the kids because they will be with Nana. I’m putting instructions in the file about how to start the generator, where her Daddy’s guns are and how to load them, where the spare car and truck keys are, etc., etc., etc.

BlessHisName, Rapture Ready [2007-Aug-07]

“According to evolutionists, it’s a fact that aliens ruled the planet before the dinosaurs because that can’t be disproven.

We have deformed skulls to prove that these aliens once had ape-like foreheads, and some walked on 2 legs and others walked on 4 legs. And since there have been confirmed sightings of alien spacecraft, that proves that they have come back to check on how things are going on planet earth.

We don’t know who the first alien was, but from the few skulls and bones we have, we can tell that there were millions of them. Then when they had explored planet earth, they found it boring and decided to leave but not before some of them had died here which is why we still have their skulls and bones. From them, we can tell what they wore, what color eyes they had, and that they were covered in hair. These are what evolutionists call facts, so we’ve proven that aliens once ruled the planet earth.”

Carico, CARM [2006-Dec-14]

[Discussing whether to give tracts to children in Halloween, a poster says: "I just think that we need to be respectful of our neighbors, and the parenting decisions that others make.. and I question whether distributing tracts might violate that principal"]

When I see a child, especially children of non christians, I always think of how that child is being brought up not being told about the Lord. We shouldn’t have to wait until that child grows up (IF they live that long) to tell them the Good news. I can understand your point though but the difference is that we KNOW the truth. Other faiths do not.

LivnForChrist, Rapture Ready [2006-Sep-03]

“Sorry but scientists have just shown that mice DNA is more similar to humans than human DNA. So would evolutionists then declare that humans came from mice? Probably. That’s because most people can’t think for themselves and are confused about reality. That’s why they believe anything scientists say.”

Carico, CARM [2007-Jan-09]

If the Bible is wrong when it tells us it is infallible, then it contradicts itself. If it contradicts itself, then it is unreliable. If it is unreliable, then our faith is totally shattered and Christianity is a lie. You need to seriously reconsider your logic.

uscchica09, BibleForums.org [2006-Sep-03]

And my personal fav:

Top Ten Signs you’re a dumbass atheist:

10. You vigorously deny the existence of God, yet you frequently blame him for everything that is wrong in modern society. 9. You repeatedly insist that man did not, in fact, evolve from an ape. Apes and men both evolved from another species who did not resemble Curious George in any way. 8. You criticize Christians who don’t know their Bible, yet you have never opened any of Darwin’s texts. 7. While all created evidence and reasoning point to a Creator and absolute truth, you prefer to hide behind relativism and a theory of evolution which does not, in fact, describe the creation of the universe at all. 6. You can’t seem to understand the fundamental differences between fundamental Muslims and fundamental Christians (hint: strap-on TNT) 5. You willingly attribute all historical atrocities in Europe to a demographic that contained approximately 100% of Europeans during the period in question. 4. You also like to ignore the beneficial discoveries of the aforementioned demographic. 3. You don’t realize that a closed system can be defined however the observer wants, so you throw out technological phrases to try to ignore the implications of thermodynamics. 2. You accuse Christians of being hateful and you hope that they DIAF. 1. Your biggest complaint is that these typically hopeful and caring people want to share the greatest single thing in their life with you. You’re like an idiot who wipes with winning lottery tickets. Clap. Clap.

Clap.

Agent C2H6O, fark [2006-Sep-05]

Dr Samuel C Gipp, Essays and Ideas by Dr Samuel C Gipp, Th.d [2006-Dec-01]

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